I’m sorry

I’m sat here, in a little bit of a tearful mess. why? i have no idea. My sister got married yesterday. I have an amazing boyfriend . I love my job. But still i feel like hell, unable to get out of bed. And i hate it. It’s been mustering and brewing for a few weeks, i was just waiting for the fall. When this happens, i let people down. A lot of people, who don’t deserve it, because i can’t cope. Because if i force myself to do things i get worse, and then let more people down. So, i would like to say a few apologies, but they probably won’t make a difference. I’m just sorry for being so awful and crap. 

1) sorry to my sister’s mother in law. I know i was meant to help you, i just couldn’t get out of bed, and when i did, i cried. I don’t like it when people see me like this. Sorry for being selfish

2) Sorry to my sister. I am sorry i left your wedding early. I just couldn’t cope anymore. 

3) I’m sorry to my other half. I promised to help him today, and i tried, but i just can’t. This man is the most amazing person who you’ve ever met, but all i do is let him down. A lot. The truth is, i don’t deserve him, and i really wouldn’t blame him if he said ‘see ya, you stupid. selfish bitch’. I really wouldn’t, because to be honest, i probably deserve it. He deserves better. 

WOAAAHHHHHHHH here comes the water works. I just want to be okay. But after 6 years, i probably won’t be okay. 

So i’m sorry. It won’t make a difference but thats all i can do. 


One thought on “I’m sorry

  1. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You really are a beautiful person. You are fearless in a way many people just can’t understand. You are honest and truthful and to share the way you are feeling in such an open way is just completely amazing. Don’t underestimate how lovely you are. Even though you may not feel it, others can still see how wonderful you are! X

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