Can 25 Year olds really have a quarter life crisis?

HELL TO THE YES!

My sister just got married. One of my best friends got married. One of my other best friends just bought a house. Another one had a baby, and another one is pregnant. The rest of my friends? Pretty much doing jobs that they have worked their arses to get. Then there’s me. 6 years of studying and I make faces like this.

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and this.

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and this…..

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and you know what makes me feel better?

A goat. A fucking picture of a goat. And a hedgehog. And a seahorse. Pretty much the internet in general.

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When I want to give up i look up memes such as these:

http://https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&biw=1440&bih=838&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=life+quotes&btnG=

And sing my heart out to let it go. And watch Robin Williams. And Kristen Wiig.

SO HELL TO THE YES WE CAN HAVE A MID LIFE CRISIS AT 25!

After i finished my Undergrad (at the age of 22) i was sure that in 5 years time i would be training to be a child psychotherapist, rubbing shoulders with amazing intellectuals whose light shines out of their bum holes (well some). But that didn’t happen. And i’m kind of glad it didn’t, or at least hasn’t yet.

I went into psychotherapy not actually realising that it was because i wanted answers. I wanted answers as to why i was the way i was, and answers as to why what had happened, had happened. I ultimately went searching for psychological help by studying therapy. Even though it’s an area that i am so interested in, i went in it for the wrong reasons.

I am now in childcare. I also entered that for the wrong reasons. I wanted to save the 7 year old me, or the potential 7 year old me. I wanted to try and prevent a major death, receive help that i was never given as a 7 year old girl. Relive my childhood. I’m just finding out that childcare is very much sometimes the parental side of childhood. We try and lead them in the right path, guiding them for the year or 2 that we have them in our care. I used to think that an education could teach me everything. But it can’t. Even though i’m not fulfilling my potential at the moment that’s okay. As now, I am finding myself. I am giving myself time to enjoy things. I’m not doing things for other people. One day i would love to be a lecturer, maybe pass on my passion for learning. Education gave me confidence and self respect, and i thought other peoples acceptance, but it didn’t. I’m starting to realise that others peoples acceptance won’t make you happy. Going up a dose on anti-depressants won’t make you happy either, it will only give you a false sense of security, one that will only last as long as you stay on that dose.

So yes i have no idea what i’m doing with my life. I have no idea what i am going to do with my life. No i am not fulfilling my potential. But I am starting to accept myself. And if a goat lets me do that, then be it. Am i happy? not with everything in my life. But am i depressed? No. And I am so happy i can make that distinction. I may not fulfil my purpose, but i will try. When i’m ready to.

Love Claire

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Mental Health, the skin and and a duvet

Hey everyone,

I have wanted to write a post for a while, about the relation between skin, digestive disorders etc and mental health as well as knowing what treatment is right for you.

I remember at the beginning of this ‘Journey’ people told me not to do this, and not to do that, and for a while i followed their advice. People would tell me not to nap, to socialise, and to ‘get out there!. Well i tried, but it didn’t help. I forced myself to do all of these things that would supposedly make me better; in someways they did and in someways they didn’t. ‘Living your life from your bed is not what you need’ they would say. But it turns out it was. I stayed in my bed not because i was lazy, far from it but because it helped. That duvet was and still is my second skin, it holds me together so to speak (Look up Ester Bick and Second Skin 1968 if your interested). The duvet allows me to feel safe, secure and warm, without the interaction of people; a protective, non harmful skin, my safe place. Lying down in that safe secure place, allowed me (and still allows me) to think things through. Now, I have incorporated mindfulness technique in this environment, which basically tells you that your thoughts are not everything about you, you are others things then your thoughts. At times, staying in my bed actually helped me! Napping allowed me to deal with my issues that were too tough to deal with via my dreams. Ask anyone, when I’m stressed and i can’t think, i have a 20 minutes to 2 hour nap, and it helps. It helps me cope. I think the tablets don’t help the sleepiness either. I’m not saying that people forcing me out didn’t help, because sometimes it did. What I am saying is that you know what is right for you. Sometimes it’s okay to stay in your bed, but if you don’t feel any better, then maybe watch bit of telly to distract you. Depression is so horrible and i wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

A few nights ago, I also had a revelation. I realised that my mind had taken over my body. Depression made me focus on my mind, and my mind only, trying to control the thoughts and feelings; which ultimately you can’t. After thinking about this, i had another revelation (duh duh duh!)

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What if my skin problems (i have moderate eczema). What if, the repressed feelings such as anger, jealousy etc etc had manifested itself in my skin. Please Bear with me (thanks Tavistock!). Emotions are felt through the body. For example, in some people anxiety or stress manifests itself in the digestive system and causes IBS. And guess what helps? Anti Depressants. The same medication that increases the serotonin uptake in the brain, and covers up the depression symptoms.  Psychotherapy Theorists argue about the importance of the skin and how a child with eczema may need ‘relief from something’. So what if my body is telling me something i don’t know consciously.

BUT of course this could be Bull.

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And i could just be allergic EVERYTHING! Or maybe a few things i didn’t know about!

Something just kind of clicked though, that maybe my eczema, depression etc etc isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Maybe it is my body telling me that something is wrong, possibly emotionally, or maybe that i am not looking after myself. Emotions are complex, maybe it needed to processed into a more physical state i.e. via the body. It has also allowed me to be more empathetic to others, but in hindsight it has also made me more selfish and only able to consider my feelings.

This post is all thanks to Psychoanalytic Tavistock Clinic and Alan Watts. I thought they were absolute Bullshite, but now I’m wondering maybe not.

Have a nice night everyone

Sorry this blog post was more like a diary entry. I will sign off now……..

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Love Claire 🙂

PS I love gifs!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ariannarebolini/the-dos-donts-of-being-there-for-a-loved-one-with-depression