HELL TO THE YES!
My sister just got married. One of my best friends got married. One of my other best friends just bought a house. Another one had a baby, and another one is pregnant. The rest of my friends? Pretty much doing jobs that they have worked their arses to get. Then there’s me. 6 years of studying and I make faces like this.
and you know what makes me feel better?
A goat. A fucking picture of a goat. And a hedgehog. And a seahorse. Pretty much the internet in general.
When I want to give up i look up memes such as these:
And sing my heart out to let it go. And watch Robin Williams. And Kristen Wiig.
SO HELL TO THE YES WE CAN HAVE A MID LIFE CRISIS AT 25!
After i finished my Undergrad (at the age of 22) i was sure that in 5 years time i would be training to be a child psychotherapist, rubbing shoulders with amazing intellectuals whose light shines out of their bum holes (well some). But that didn’t happen. And i’m kind of glad it didn’t, or at least hasn’t yet.
I went into psychotherapy not actually realising that it was because i wanted answers. I wanted answers as to why i was the way i was, and answers as to why what had happened, had happened. I ultimately went searching for psychological help by studying therapy. Even though it’s an area that i am so interested in, i went in it for the wrong reasons.
I am now in childcare. I also entered that for the wrong reasons. I wanted to save the 7 year old me, or the potential 7 year old me. I wanted to try and prevent a major death, receive help that i was never given as a 7 year old girl. Relive my childhood. I’m just finding out that childcare is very much sometimes the parental side of childhood. We try and lead them in the right path, guiding them for the year or 2 that we have them in our care. I used to think that an education could teach me everything. But it can’t. Even though i’m not fulfilling my potential at the moment that’s okay. As now, I am finding myself. I am giving myself time to enjoy things. I’m not doing things for other people. One day i would love to be a lecturer, maybe pass on my passion for learning. Education gave me confidence and self respect, and i thought other peoples acceptance, but it didn’t. I’m starting to realise that others peoples acceptance won’t make you happy. Going up a dose on anti-depressants won’t make you happy either, it will only give you a false sense of security, one that will only last as long as you stay on that dose.
So yes i have no idea what i’m doing with my life. I have no idea what i am going to do with my life. No i am not fulfilling my potential. But I am starting to accept myself. And if a goat lets me do that, then be it. Am i happy? not with everything in my life. But am i depressed? No. And I am so happy i can make that distinction. I may not fulfil my purpose, but i will try. When i’m ready to.